I love the phrase" I dun noe and i dun care!" There's so many things out there for me to do and i feel so tired to complete them. Well i noe everyone is tired and stressed but i juz wanna to give up. PW is driving me crazy. As u all read from Jeanie's blog, u noe how frustrated i am. Sylvia, juz be prepared whenever u see me in school becoz i noe i will start complaining. I can feel my blood vessels bursting everytime i get pissed! Jeanie, sorry for disturbing u tat nite but i felt much better aft talking to u!=p

Oh and Estee mentioned sth tat maybe u guys can think abt it. Girls can't stop thinking for one sec however the guys can! Isn't it amazing yet scary to noe tat u r actually thinking every min, every sec?? How i wish i can be a cloud in the sky...Drifting past buildings is much enjoyable than life down at earth!No worries at all. I'm sooo tired..............I want to escape..........

Been a long long time since I have contacted or comunicated in any pro-active, two-sided means with all of you. Well, just got off the phone with poor fanny dear, who is completely tormented by that idiot in her __... Seriously, i'll hex him and that would be so his fault. But in any case, though this is not exactly a two-sided comunication method, but i guess it'll have to do, or my friends will soon enough think i have dropped off the surface of earth into outer space or evaporated and ascended to heaven above.

To be truthful, heaven might not be too far from me, in many's eyes and opinion. And in reality, maybe and maybe not. For if i die anytime soon<-which do not seem like a bad thing at this moment, i might at least be able to catch a glimpse of it before i descend into the raging flames of hell. Why then in commom opinion would my life be like heaven?
1. I don't go to school, thus save the PW woes, monday blues and term paper horrors
2. I went on a trip to Re Dang, this really beautiful island with blue skies and an endless sandy beach and sea.
3. I will soon be preparing for another trip to HongKong.
4. I have a new laptop at my latest whim and cry.
5. I have a new golden retriever puppy, whom was bought to add value to my mere existence and life. (literally)
6. I spend money the way, drinking water drips off an open tap with little finacial concerns.
7. I will be moving into a new home(Again in the area of Serangoon), with my own room and toilet attached.

Life can really be simple or even a dream to others. For as Sylvie has said formerly that there are those who live in fear of dying the next moments, those who have lost their loved ones in disasters that leave them with absolutely nothing in one night, those who live to live without the chance of thought. I am not unaware of these suffering, nor am I ignorant of my own blesssings. However, lately I've been thinking about this phrase I saw on msn one day: death, what a good thing, as long as it happens to you and not your loved ones. I can only suppose I agree with it, for that is perphaps the only explaination to my actions. Scar count: 8 on my left wrist, 4 on my right. Pills taken within 1 mins: 6 painkillers. I am consciously aware of my actions and reasons behind every act. I am however just weary of explaining them, when no one wishes to listen and yet is constanly pretending to listen. I am exhausted of explaining why I am selfish enough not to consider the consequences and feelings of those around me. And above all, unwillingly to repeat that I am not blind to the blessing I own.

Life has become increasingly painful and tiresome. So such that I have finally realised that helpness's true meaning is when you realise that you so desperately hope to cease breathing and yet can't help but take in your next breath.
Note: Do you know that it is impossible to die because you held your breath. because you pass out before you have a chance to die. When you pass out, you lose consiousness, which means you lose control over your body's functions. Your involuntary functions that you don't have to think about to control (breathing, heart beating, etc) still go, but you can't force yourself to hold your breath or even move while you're passed out. Sad isn't it?

Another thing that keeps coming back to me, other than the nightmares and horrors that never left is this scene in MY DATE WITH A VAMPIRE II. Wy might recall, but i'm not sure. It is when the real Kuang Tian You, comes back as a ghost to write his last diary entry about his afterlife. It says, after this man died before it was told where he was to go (hell/heaven), he met the guardian of afterlife, who congraulated him. The guardian said something like: Congrats, after your death there are more who weep for you, then those who take joy in your death. Thus, you are granted entry to the gates of heaven. The man got very depressed and said that he would rather go to hell and let it be that no one will cry over his death. However the guardian said that it cannot be changed for tears once cried cannot be undone. Thus the guardian took this very unhappy man into the gates of heaven.

Frankly I have no idea why I choose to blog that in, but well if you my pal is still reading then we'll have to agree to sylvie that reading blogs is a complete waste of time. I don't know what else to say, so farewell my pals. I am struggling with the unknown of my bleak future.

hohoho!

Hey all.
Ok, this is gonna be a super crappy post here.it is just NOT my day today.capitalised! Anyway, am in the hub with Cheryl and Priscilla now, dear Cheryl is doing her EOM (and taking her own sweet time) Grr!! and Esther just went to Tampines for her 1.5 Hr haircut!! Hahahs, even the slow aunty at my house doesn’t take that long!!!

Anyway, ya, I was saying about my horrible day. As usual, the 229 busstop was like so damned packed this morning and I kindly let the cuteee temasek pri kids board on first and again, istory repeated itself and, i was left strandede there -again! -_-“” Not again! and then, I felt something funny while waiting for the next bus. (horrors of all horrors…my monthly best friends came!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>_<"") OMG!! And to think I was supposed to have PE, 2.4 run! *faints*, and soo I rushed all the way to the washroom which is at lallala faraway land..and ended up almost late for assembly!! gosh!!! Grr! I swear that my tummy hurt like crazy laaaaa….=XxX and now the whole class knows my best friends are in for a visit cause dear Sylvia is asking round the whole class for pads.-_-“””

Ya. Okies.
This is a sooooo not intellectual and goody post now.
Seriously, no wonder mrs noordin says that she’ll never read blogs.
Waste of time.
Especially when you read about stupid boring stuff like how I couldn’t get onto the bus for like the Nth time!=PppP
Ya! So get onto ur work and stop slacking infront of the computer!!!!!!!!!!!
Includes u too jeanie!! Muahahaha!!!=)

Ps/ anyway, ms nansi went all mad about going French today…for a moment I thought that pride and prejudice was written by a French woman.-_-“” hahahs!

Sylvia=)

pps) and oh ya...i forgot to ramble and curse about tt stuypid jing xian...he was soooo distracting guring GP lesson yest...tt all of us couldnt complete our work laaa!! I swear I will not allow him to sit like within 2m of my arm's radius!! and he was commenting about how cool my shuffle's ear piece was (which is of coz!!!*^^*)..and how interesting that it has got a silicon cover as well.( which he fondly named it a condom)so...for like the whole while...we were discussing that ppl shld produce glow-in-the-dark condoms (my silicon cover is!) so as to "navigate their way around smoothly!". Obviously, the quoted lines are NOT from me...im still innocent!*^^*

23 july 06

I can't believe how lucky I was until yesterday. Actually, I always say all those cliched crappy stuff in my weekly gp article reviews...after cutting out some reports on the bombings and terrorism and disasters and bla bla bla. But it was until yesterday that I truly really sincerely felt how lucky all of us actually are.

Like the very least, we don't live in broken shattered homes. We don't grow up being the victims of family abuse. We don't have a whole pack of indifferent siblings from all the different marriages of your parents (the siblings are starngers really) we don't worry about how the monthly family expenses are going to be cleared and we don't have to suffer the inconveniences of getting a whole family living in a 2 room flat. And best of all...at least we have healthy parents and all...at the very least, we don't have the fear of your mum leaving before you actually got a chance to really grow up and rescue her from the shitty crappy miserable life. I guss his lifestory can be shot in a soap opera.

please do not get mistaken..hehes..sylvia here didnt go for her cip home visits or whatsoever. Just that this person's expereince is truly unbelievable...he's actually the very first person i know personally who suffers to that state. Hard to imagine what i'll do if I were him actually. Jump down the building? ahahs...it's definitely a choice. I mean, it sometimes amazes me how much a young spirit of seventeen years can actually withstand. Perhaps his life experiences are more than enough to cover up all of ours all addded together. Im serious!

Ya. anyway..enough all of these unhappy stuff.
how's life for everyone??? Wy? you sound really profound and abstract in? your last entry!
hm...kinda philisophical:) but oh wells...I guess everyone ahs their unique side:)
Soemtimes, I've been thinking about how much I've changed? trhough the years actually..and the possibility that perhaps, I've moulded myself into this person whom the world outside can best accept and all...and in the process , you lose yourself without even your own knowlegde. In a way, it's as if you've become so used to putting up this front that you have lost the ability to like...truly...be the way you were originally? that thought is really kinda scary.

Just a lil quote I heard. It takes courage to be yourself in a world where everyone wants you to be somebody elseor sth like that la!=)

Now talk abut self actualizationI think its just a vicious cycle. The more you try to realize yourselfthe more questionable you get and it just follows that way..on and on and on. So.quit thinking about such chim stuff la!=) attaining self actualization is even harder than getting the nobels prize for physics or sth. *^^* hahas!! Better to live the happy simple way=)