Life is unfair, the world is unfair....
I can't help but to feel that life is totally unfair and only to me....Many things happened lately forced me to accept the cruel reality. I hate the feeling, i juz hate it....I dun feel carefree anymore....i dun feel like the Fanny i used to be....Its hard for me to accept all these at a go....Argh.....I'm getting immune to the irky feeling...somehow it feels like this feeling will get stronger and stronger.....so strong that i won't feel anything. Juz as i felt everything is going well....horrible incidents start to happen....too abrupt for me to accept....They juz kept happening...non-stop...i'm irrated, frustrated, scared.....can it juz STOP......
I can't take it anymore!

on the verge of crying

i wanna say, that im feeling lost
i wanna say, that im feeling lost...
i wanna say, that im such a failure
i wanna say, that i needed encouragement not consolation.
i wanna say: 'leave me alone...'
i wanted to cry, but i was supposed to celebrate with them.
i want to quit, but i dun wanna be a quitter..
i really really want to cry.
im really lost.
im feeling really depressed.
im on the verge of crying, but i hate to appear like a weakling even though im one...
i need to pour out all my sorrows to someone but cldnt tink of who to talk to...
i really wanna escape frm this ugly world...
i carn even manage myself, why let me manage others?
i dun need that glorifying moment
coz i know i dun deserve it.
juz let me be...i dun wanna hear any comments frm the rest...
why am i always making mistakes even though i have spent so much effort in it.
why am i a;ways the one
why am i always disappointing people even though i have tried my best...
or have i even tried my best??
why am i not happy even when everyone around me is rejoycing?
why am i not given the chance to rejoyce with everyone esle??
what am i doing? why am i on the earth creating not happiness but problems?
i feel like a total rubbish, a total dirt, a total failure.
dun congratulate me anymore, i dun wish to fake anymore smiles...
dun praise me anymore, it will only make me feel worse.
after all these years, i realise i really hate this thing...its as if it is the jinx of my life...frm the scoldings i get last time, to the regrets it has brought me...i dun wanna touch it ever again...but can i??
carn i even choose wad i wanna do?
i really wanna find an exit to all this unhappiness. i know the only way is to change myself, my character...
maybe i shld speak less and listen more...maybe i shld hide myself frm the rest...
maybe i shld give up on the things im holding on to too tightly....
i think i shld juz give up..
yar. i shld...
im juz a coward. dats all.