[heart broken]

In the past, i didnt really think a blog was neccessary and i never thought i would ever be blogging...But now i realize how impt it is to me...Life in jc is really really stressful... there is just too much work to do everyday...not juz hw, but cca matters, class matters, schl events, other nonsense competition....blah blah.

The thing that stress me out is actually my cca...I have never felt so useless, so insignificant in schl...though in Pl, guzheng wasn't really a cool cca which impress alot of pple but at least pl gz has 'standard' ' you shui zhun'...The gz tuan in my sch now is really CMI...so lousy dat i feel embarrassed to be in it...everytime i see how slack the teacher in charge is, how slack and incapable the conductor is, how inefficient the members are....all i can do is to shake head...Dun say i din try to "save" the cca...personally i think have devoted alot of time and energy into the cca such that i have neglected my studies, such that my subject teachers get quite pissed with my ignorance on the subject's topics(thats wad my intuition tells me...as in i infer frm the way they look at me and the frequency of asking me qns)...my life is so skewed!! You may think that the solution to all these problems is to 'dun bother' with the cca..but let me tell you, i strongly believe that being a DSA student, i have the obligation to contribute to the schl through the cca...
That's why i have been staying back in sch till 8.30pm everyday to plan for the concerts, to help the inexperienced j1 catch up with the rest...to encourage pple to come back for extra practise to bush up their skills...and so on. Was actually planning to join the exco...but now i feel so dishearted to join, coz i foresee 'even worst' situation ahead... One more complain abt the cca...some inexperienced j1 learn really slow...sigh...though its not really good to comment abt others...but seriously arh...i think they are a little of a burden...Currently im very busy because im ordered by my conductor to coach a newcomer so that she can join in the performance...and all these has to be done in 2 weeks time...that means that i got to teach her frm the basics to the reading of scores to the fingerings etc etc...i alr told the teacher that it is not really wise to include her in the performance because the quality of the music wun be good... but she seems to see no problem with that...haiz...i dun noe wad esle can i say so all i can do now is to stay back in sch whenever possible, to teach the newcomer... Anw, let me summarize, im really emotionally and mentally drained!!!

Next up, let me talk abt my studies...physics used to be my stronger subject(dats how i personally feel...if u all dun agree, den juz ignore this sentence) anyway, i think my physics is in a terrible state. I think even my physics teacher thinks so such that if i were to tell him that i have gotten an A1 for physics in 'O's, his jaw wld drop wide open"How can that be?! A1? u must be kidding....there is no link at all btw wy and A1 for physics" sigh...wad tragic life i have...

Got difficulties finding 'zhi ji' in my schl...i think nobody understands me...maybe im too weird to be understood...i dun noe...actually i dun think dat im weird lor...haiz...im weird to u all because i have yet find sb who is quite similar to me in terms of the way we think...actually u all are weird to me too...juz because im the minority doesn't mean im weird.......
nvm...at least i think im accepted by u all....and i noe u all like me too!! haha...(zi lian-ing)

Juz realize im quite a loser...coz im not good in academic, not good enough asthetically, not good at maintaining relationship(as in public relation), no leadership qualities, not brainy enough, dun noe how to manage my time, especially bad at public speaking, no fashion sense(commented by seying and sometimes jeanie, shi tian says that too sometimes), no looks...all of you better den me lar.. Firstly sylvia is so good at drawing and she can interact with pple very easily. Jeanie has good fashion sense and is brainy, plus good at public speaking(which is very essential when go to work). Shi tian is brainy, got fashion sense, good at academics, got looks, got leadership qualities. Fanny can dance salsa, can dance ballet, can play piano, got fashion sense( at least better than me), noes how to deal with long hair, good at interacting with pple, good at making dessert, is more courageous than me(though she cries often, she never fail to stand up frm any kinds of failures, whereas im so damn timid, never dare to face reality...sobz

Ok enough of sad stuff.. A good news for jie mei men...hey i think im straight already!! coz on my latest list of eye candy, only one of them is a girl...the rest all guys...haha...lol...i got influenced by some 'sun2you3' in my sch, who always talk abt her eye candies...

To Yixian: Hey i really miss you alot! i miss the times we played gz together, the times when we laugh as we play, the times we make the same mistake together and get stared by tsb...haiz wonder if you will see this msg...but anw, hope you are doing well over there...

wy